Several weeks before Christmas 2018 I first felt the symptoms of what turned out to be an increasingly severe internal bleed. I wrote the following while at home recovering. I had no intention of sharing with anyone but ended up posting to my personal Facebook page. For those who prefer short and sweet, here's the 10 sec read.
- God is good. Don't ignore your body's warning signs. I almost died. God used some amazing people to keep me alive and show His grace...which is still a mystery. I almost died, but God.- Simple as that.
For the rest, here is the original post.
- I waited until the house was quiet to post this. Some of you know about my exciting week of firsts...ambulance ride, ICU stay, ventilator. It’s still a blur, but I am doing better. Friday night, at home recovering, I sat down with the intention of finishing up a few details for a book coming out this spring. It did not go as planned. My wife assured me that I shouldn’t worry. What came out needed to come. I don’t remember the exact phrase, but it had something to do with emotions finding a way to the surface. I didn’t scribble down the following with the intention of sharing with anyone, but I think I should. It’s raw, but maybe it will help someone.
It’s Friday, just before midnight, and I almost died this past Tuesday. I would have if not for God’s hand on me and my family. I dismissed the warning signs for weeks. Passing out, passing blood, chills, dizziness...all things I chalked up to stress, lack of sleep, stomach bug, whatever. Instead, I was bleeding internally, and when a nasty infection collided with the holes in my stomach...well, I almost died. Take your pick, sepsis or blood loss. They didn’t even bicker to see which one might win the honor of being listed as the cause. They fought hard to take my life.
My wife, who normally would have been at work, took the morning off for a last minute dental procedure. Without her home, I would have bled out onto our hardwood floors, half-naked in the bathroom door, gasping air in quick, short, determined, breaths, not enough blood or water left within me crawl to my phone 10 feet away. Blood. Water. Life. I would have died.
I’m trying hard not to let the mystery of His grace consume me. Maybe one day He will reveal every piece of the puzzle, but even then, I wonder if I’ll comprehend. How many times an hour does He protect, shield, and save me from horrors unseen? I suppose over the next few weeks I’ll remember things that I needed to forget for awhile, and that’s okay. Images of amazing women and men flash across my eyes in chaotic bursts. EMTs, nurses, lab-techs, doctors, their soothing voices drown out the sinister chorus of beeps and alarms. All working together, saving a man saved long ago. Yes, I almost died last Tuesday.